i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
