he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
