We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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