the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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