Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
