I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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