I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
