I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
