I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
