You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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