youre lurking in front of me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
