Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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