Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
