I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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