i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
