your parents love me but you hate me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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