He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
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