Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
