but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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