I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
