goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it was like eating out sand paper
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
