Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
