i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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