Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
