I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
