I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
