just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
