Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
