I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
