There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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