I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
