people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
