Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Terrible idea I love it
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
