Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
