u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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