I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
