This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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