I smell stomach acid.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
