why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
