I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
