the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
