Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
