She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
