why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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