i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
