pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize