Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
