Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
