It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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