And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
