How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
