In the future we'll all be gay
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
