he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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