WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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