eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Found the puke drawer
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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