so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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