Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
