I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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