please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize