i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
