The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
