no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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