I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
