I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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