We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
