They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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