Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize