if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
