I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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